The Last Christmas with my Dad

My dad passed away in May of 2017, so the Christmas of 2016 was the last Christmas we shared together. At the time we had no idea it would be our last time to gather around the Christmas tree opening gifts with him.

The circumstances leading up to Christmas that year were a little different than normal. My mom was extra busy and wasn’t able to wrap all the Christmas presents. My dad stepped up to this task, it was uncommon for him to do the wrapping. Mom always wrapped the Christmas presents, at least that’s how I remember it.

Seeing a wrapped gift by any man melts my heart but one wrapped by my dad was extra special. Little did I know that his wrapping of old grocery store brown paper bags with his unmistakable handwriting would mean so much years later. For some reason, I took a photo of the wrapping. So glad I did. I was touched by the care my dad put into the task. He did it his way, his personality, sense of practicality and humor shining through.

My dad called me Fran. Not many other people do. There is something so special about the nickname a father gives his daughter.

Joy and Sorrow Can Co-exist

As I prepare for this Christmas I realize that life is so different than I initially thought. The perfection that is sought after is rarely found or kept. I am so much more aware of the highs and lows. So much more aware of how deeply people hurt during this season, or during every season.

I’ve found it true that joy and sorrow can both be present in my heart at the same time. I can enjoy and laugh and be fully present in a magical moment, but also have a deep sadness and longing for my dad and others I’ve lost.

I know it’s a choice to push through and continue traditions and activities even when your heart is not that excited. For any of you out there that are struggling, I pray you find the peace that only Jesus can bring. That you understand joy and sorrow can co-exist. That the longing in your heart to see your loved one will always be there in some form. This life is a true gift and we only have a small amount of time on the earth.

May you sing your heart out to Christmas songs this year, decorate that gingerbread house with way more candy than ever before and most of all take a moment to reflect and acknowledge your pain and sorrow in the midst of joy.

For those looking for additional support, I would suggest Griefshare. It’s a biblical, Christ-centered approach to grieving where you can find weekly support with others that are facing the loss of loved ones. They also have a special seminar to help cope with the holidays while grieving. Joining Grief Share was one of the best things I did for myself this year.

You may also be interested in this post, Three Months of Loss.