My Spiritual Journey

In the past two weeks, I’ve discussed my fitness journey, my mental health journey and now I’m sharing my spiritual journey. This part of my journey means the most to me. As a Christian, this path has had ups and downs, twists and turns, mountains and valleys yet I have never walked alone.

During a Vacation Bible School at age 12, I gave my life to Christ and became a Christian. During high school, I went through some rebellious years but at 18 God pulled me back on track. At that point, I was baptized and fully surrendered to God’s way instead of my own.

For most of my life, I had a pretty steady faith in God. It didn’t really wane until my mid 30’s. I guess one could say that my life up to that point for fairly easy and mostly predictable. Yes, I had hard times but I overcame them and tried to learn from them. It wasn’t until my idea of a “perfect” life started to crumble that my faith also suffered. One thing after the other happened and the picture-perfect life I had expected started to break piece by piece. Partly this was to blame on my unrealistic expectations. Also, I’m an optimist which leads to the glass being half full. But what happens when the glass starts to crack?

I think most people can relate to this because you might not be in the career you planned to be in, you might not live in the city of your dreams, you might not be the person you hoped to become, and the list goes on and on. Heartbreak could have paralyzed you, an accident derailed you, or misfortune left you destitute. Whatever the situation I found myself having to pick up my broken pieces and despite my feelings hold strong to the fact that God says in His Word, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

I had a lot of questions. Why would so much pain and death come into our family? Why would God not intervene in times of trouble? Why did I feel so alone? Why did my emotions seem to control me no matter what I did? Did God still truly care about me? I know so many things won’t be answered this side of heaven but it was and can still be difficult to walk in the unknown.

When my dad was in the hospital fighting for his life I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of peace of God’s presence with me even though it was an indescribably difficult season and my faith felt far away. I was confident God had not left me alone.

Since I felt my faith was cracked some days it felt like it could never be repaired. I wanted it to be healed but the pain seemed too deep, the cuts too wide. I remember going through the motions. I would read my Bible, attend church, and even minister to others but there was a distance and quiet hallow; some might call it a dark night of the soul between God and myself.

I never lost my faith in God, I just didn’t have the closeness I once had.

God used many things to help heal my faith. I would observe friends that had strong and sincere faith, their faith would help grow mine. I would look for times when God would provide, heal, help, and not focus on the trying times. I sat around in a room listening to people share their stories. Stories of tremendous loss and heartache and see their faith continuing to shine. Slowly God took the crack and started to fill it in. A bit at a time until it was healed. Of course, it doesn’t look as it did. You can see the repair lines, reminders of the pain, and the healing.

God truly showed me his loving-kindness. Something I couldn’t conjure up, makeup, or dream up. Through other Christians, God showed his love to me personally and that He is not done with me yet. He has a whole life ahead to be lived.

Resources That Helped Restore my Faith

If you are feeling like your faith is cracked and in need of healing here are a few resources that helped me:

Being active in my church and in small groups helped tremendously. People to share my aches with that would pray for me and check-in.

Healing Playlist – I made a list of songs that spoke to the healing I was experiencing. Listening to those songs gave me hope that things would get better.

GriefShare – It’s a biblical, Christ-centered approach to grieving where you can find weekly support with others that are facing the loss of loved ones. They also have a special seminar to help cope with the holidays while grieving. Joining GriefShare was one of the best things I did after my father passed away.

Getting my Mental Health in a good and healthy spot helped a great deal. Having a trusted Christian therapist to speak to about my faith.

Reading the Bible – Reading about people that lacked faith or struggled but God was still with them gave me hope.

Speaking aloud The Names of God.

Spending quiet time in prayer. Here is a list of prayer resources I put together.

I tried to get more consistent with my times with God.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

If you would like to know more about how to become a Christian. You can find out and read my story here.

Also, if you find yourself struggling in this area I’d love to hear from you. I can’t fix the problem but I can be a listening ear and encourage you through the wait.

If you purchase from a link on this blog a small percentage of the sale may come back to me. You are never charged more for the product. It’s a way to keep this site going and I’m very selective about the things I list. It’s mostly things we already own and love or things I think you would enjoy. Thank you for reading!

(Bible Verses NIV)